I've recently been dealing with the realization that my music has actually gotten worse over the last few years. My mixing and production skills have improved quite a bit, but overall, the composition and arrangement has suffered due to unnatural thinking. I've known this even while it was happening, but have had a hard time figuring out how to curtail it.

As I've laid out in other essays (found in the “Philosophy” section), art isn't something you can just follow certain manufacturing guidelines to improve. Like life itself, it's a constant balancing act between striving and apathy. Between relaxation and tension. We learn this even at the basic levels of how to carry our bodies. We learn this in trying to focus on any particular thing for more than 5 minutes. For those of you into meditation, we're told seemingly contradictory things like, "sit as tall as you can, while also being relaxed as you can". There is something to this, in that flow state is a very specific middle ground where optimal awareness, relaxation, and action converge at a single point.

I think what has caused the overall quality of expression to go down over the last few years is tied into the desire to get "better", and to make my music more professional, while somehow keeping the purity of expression intact. If this sounds contradictory, it's because it certainly is. This desire is nothing new, as it's been there in me since the first time I felt that I really had something unique to express through music; Since the first moment I started taking my music “seriously”.   It comes from that excitement and euphoria of creating something that truly expresses things that could not be expressed any other way.  

But this uncertainty and overthinking has grown to be more troublesome over time; The constant self-doubt, questioning all decisions which slowly suck the life out of the music.  Thinking something isn't "good enough", no matter what it is, can often be a self-fullfilling prophecy.

At that very moment of striving is when things fall apart. And they will over and over again if it were possible to test in a lab.  What made the original expression so amazing and so pure was that whether or not it was “good enough” was not even a thought or consideration.  With those thoughts out of the picture, there is no limit to what direction the expression can go in any moment.  It is full of life and character.  It has energy.  There is true freedom in that state that would immediately be inhibited when thoughts of worth enter the picture.

With that, I hope you can read between the lines here and see that I’m not in the least bit devastated by this seemingly devastating realization.  I’ve seen this tale play out enough times in my 20 years of music creation that I can see its causes and effects clearly.  This is what continues to give me hope for getting to where I want to be with my music - Learning to strive without striving is such a strange contradiction, but it’s no different from my meditation practice which I’ve been doing for the past 3 years. 

I hope these words can serve to help others who may have similar struggles in their pursuits - especially you chronic over-thinkers out there.

In other news, I am very excited about the piece I’m working on, Tales of Ice.  I’m still in the creative euphoria phase, and as such, am not of the right mind to know if it’s any good or not.  But here’s hoping it’s at least a step closer to that innocent and true expression I strive to get back to.  Stay tuned, and as always, thank you for your support 🙏

TLDR: I will now be releasing mastered singles on all platforms as I complete them, rather than only producing full length albums every 4 years.  A little late to the party, but here we are!

The medium of an album as a complete artistic expression is something that can never be replaced, no matter how few people may listen to them in their entirety now.  Similar to the symphonies of the past - a larger work, consisting of many smaller movements - there are stories which cannot be told over the course of a 4-minute piece.  That would be like trying to fit the intricate plot lines of Frank Herbert's Dune into a single chapter.   With that said, I will never abandon the album as my preferred medium, and will always strive to make the best album I can.

However, I recently had an epiphany where I saw a way in which practicality began to outweigh idealism.  We are living in the age of instant gratification, and thus, our attention spans have suffered greatly (mine included).  Further, the methods and means of releasing music has changed dramatically over the last 20 years, and the signs only point to this increasing in intensity exponentially with A.I. 

This is a long winded way of me saying that I've finally surrendered (a bit) to the current state of the music industry, and have decided that it's better to fully polish and release singles as I go and post them on all platforms for streaming/download.  This won't work for every track, since some tracks literally tie into the next, with no silence in-between.  But it will work for many tracks, and will serve to help build my audience more, and increase my chances of being seen by the all-seeing algorithm. 

As far as current works are concerned, I have 2 separate EPs in the works, as an EP is a happy medium between single and LP.  I'm very excited to share those with you, but I do have a lot of work ahead of me before those are done.  But with this new epiphany, I can at least get you fresh tracks sooner.  I have also recently learned how to master my own tracks, which will help streamline production!

As always, thank you for your support, and stay tuned for more frequent updates from me as we go.  Wishing you all moments of peace and inspiration during this winter season ✌️ 

It's been almost three years since my last album release, so I wanted to give you an update on where I am currently, and what my future goals are.

After releasing my 2 official albums and EP, I have been going through a long-term transition phase of which I'm still deep in the midst of. The primary reason for this transition was the hard realization that I had spent almost all of my artistic development on the creative and expressive aspects of the music, and almost none on the technical production side.  I put everything into trying to create something real and deep and profound - in alignment with my film and animation inspirations especially.   I'm not saying I ever got there, but that has always been my focus. Imagination and emotion were all there is as far as I was concerned. 

Well, the harsh realization was seeing just how my lack of technical production skills really hindered my growth in the artistic areas. It was upon this realization that I decided to go all-in on learning audio production (i.e. mixing and mastering).  Creating deep and meaningful art has always been what drives me, so it took a long time to finally see just how much the technical production skills affect the artistic side.  Being an extremely right-brained individual, it took several bangs to the head to finally start seeing this…

As I've delved further into these skills the past couple years, I've also seen the countless ways those technical abilities can be turned into an artistic tool - using EQ, compression, and limiting not just to create space, but also to change the timbre of an instrument - timbre being one of the four creative elements of music.  I am also beginning to see just how key mixing skills are for electronic music if one were to break out of the traditional box of instrumentation (kick, snare, high hat, bass, guitar, strings, vocals, etc), to create unidentifiable sounds, textures, and dynamics.  I could imagine what kind of electronic music someone could create with full control and understanding of frequency ranges, using the full spectrum in artistic ways.

Alongside learning mixing and mastering, I have also been simplifying my compositions a bit (you may or may not have noticed this if you follow my more recent Soundcloud releases).  This isn't because I want to simplify, but I see the need to in order to go back to the basics on my creative process as I learn to implement new-found technical knowledge.  My goal would then be to return to my more complex expressions that I enjoy most as found in my debut album (One Way Mission, Hearts of Wind, Minds of Dust, Timeless Dynasty, Kingdom Within - damn, those were muddy as hell!).

In other news, I have slowly been dipping my feet into the waters of soundtrack work and video editing - two other angles from which I'd like to attack my music goals from.  This will also help in a future fusion of the two when I finally get back into creating my own soundtracks to old silent films - something that's been on my to-do list for far too long.

Lastly, I bought a house, and now have a dedicated studio space to promote focus - a resource I can't possibly have enough of.  I will slowly be assembling my studio the next two years as I can save more funds for acoustic treatment.  With all this said, I'm very excited about the future of Apeirian Age, and to take you on the journey with me!  Thank you for your patience and understanding as my creative output has been a bit sparse.